What My Daughter Learned in Preschool

We found a toad today!

Preschool has started again for my daughter; and although I love seeing her enthusiasm for going to school, her love of learning and exploring, seeing her friends, etc., there was one not-so-welcomed lesson she learned last year.  I spent the summer trying to undo it and will try to stay on top of it this year.  I don’t believe the lesson was taught by her teachers, but most likely by her classmates.  The lesson was in gender roles.  She came home convinced that boys do certain things and girls do others! 

I can overlook my daughter’s desire to wear dresses, a stereotypical “girl thing.”  After all, they are much easier to deal with while potty training.  I don’t mind her devotion to the Disney princesses; I adored them when I was little too.  Even her interest in the perfect pair of sandals or Mary Jane’s doesn’t bother me since little kids’ shoes are just so darn cute!  But when my daughter came home from school last year and said frogs are gross, I think my heart broke.

There were other issues too that my husband and I had to work on (and are still working on) with her about girls being able to do anything boys can do.  But saying bad things about frogs (and other animals) just because they are not something “girls take interest in,” hurt.  How can my daughter think that?!?  I have a love for almost all animals and have a great respect for those I don’t quite love.  And frogs are at the top of my list of animals I love!  How can they be gross to my daughter? 

After a few months over the summer without her outside influences, my daughter is back on the right track again to at least respecting all animals.  Her love for our dog and cats has blossomed over the summer.  Even our pet snake and macaw are high on her list of much loved animals (even though she is not old enough to handle either of them right now).  She also talks about spiders being friendly and mosquitoes only bite because they want to have babies.  Dragons still reign as her preferred imaginary animal, and her favorite color is blue, not pink.  She still wears dresses and wants to be a princess; but, her most requested shoes are sneakers (yes, they light up and are Disney princess shoes, but they are still sneakers)!

All humor aside, respect for animals is one of the most important lessons children need to learn.  It will be important throughout their lives, for both them and the animals.  Through my years of being a naturalist, I’ve met many people from a variety of backgrounds with great fears or dislikes of an assortment of animals.  I, myself, had a fear of spiders as a child and had nightmares every night after seeing just one spider during the day.  I lived on a farm with a large, old barn; so this happened quite often.  I’ve never been hurt by a spider, therefore my fears were unfounded and probably learned from someone else (or Little Miss Muffet).  Unfortunately, that happens all too often.  And my daughter saying that frogs are gross is definitely something she learned from someone else and not from firsthand experience.

Sure if my child had ever held a frog, it would probably pee on her.  But she hasn’t held one, so she hasn’t had that experience (yet!).  However, when she does hold one and it urinates on her, I hope someone is there to ask my daughter why she thinks the frog did that.  Animals exhibit behaviors for a reason.  It’s not gross.  The frog just doesn’t want to be harmed.  And who could blame it since children often don’t realize their own strength when holding a small animal.  Urinating is one of several defenses a frog may use.  And it usually works!  Most children will drop a frog immediately when the frog starts to pee in a child’s hands.  If I’m ever caught by a giant, I might do the same thing.  Who knows?  Does that make me gross or a survivor?  And there are a lot of interesting facts about frogs that can be taught in such a teachable moment.  Everything from their distinct vocalizations, lifecycle, how they are well adapted to their habitats, to their thin layer of skin that they can breathe through that makes them amazing animals. 

Children don’t have to love every animal in the world, but they should respect them.  The best way to do that is to learn more about animals.  If your child is afraid of or dislikes an animal, ask why.  Talk about your child’s feelings.  Take time to learn about the animal.  Observe the animal in the wild.  Talk to animal experts.  Read books.  All of these go a long way to help alleviate those feelings and build respect.  After all, my spider nightmares stopped long ago.  I find garden spiders and their beautiful webs interesting now.  And as a naturalist, I’ve cared for and handled many tarantulas.  Understanding spider behaviors has greatly helped foster my respect for them.  Now if I can just get through to the other children at my daughter’s preschool, maybe snails and puppy dog tails won’t be just for boys.

Please share your experiences if your child has a fear or dislike of any type of animal.  Maybe we can help ease that fear or dislike together.

After this post was written, I found a Southern toad (Anaxyrus terrestris) in our yard and introduced it to my daughter after school today.  She did not get peed on and now likes frogs!  Success!

Southern toad (Anaxyrus terrestris)

I love how she is being very gentle and cupping the toad instead of squeezing it.

Returning the toad back to its home.